The accident

Last week I was reading chiken soup tough times tough people. It’s really good book reading about experiences of people in tough times like incurable medical conditions, accidents and their life after that. While reading I can feel sadness in theipr stories , or that’s what I thought untill last week.

While coming back home from my granny’s place by taxi ,car bumped into our taxi from behind so bad that it I almost bumped my head on drivers seat. Being in India we are not familiar with concept of seat belt on back seats. Thankfully no one got injured but it sored my back for whole day. I was continuously thinking what would have happened if that car would have broke the backseat glass and …..

Just the thought made me shudder. They all say life’s short but we don’t realise it untill moments like this strike us. For the first time I realised I haven’t done enough treks in my life or haven’t visited a single country or at least cared to take passport. Why do we need these pushes to realise that life is gift and we should treat it according , as they say you never know Kal ho na ho..??😉

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The people-3

Raj, 4yr old boy playing in the garden ,with girl of my age. He was in our group when I went to vacation few years back. I thought she must be his aunt or something. But then he said “mumma” and I started looking for his mother but it took me a while to realize who he was talking to. Yes that girl 24-25yr was his mom. Unbelievable. How can someone marry so early. Only 2 of them had come with their family. Everyone in the group thought his father must be busy so could not make it to the trip. The boy was so naughty and talkative. Withing few days he became everyone’s favorite even though no one was his age. I have never seen him crying once during that week which very unusual for his age. There was one more thing which was unusual for his age. Throughout the trip he never ever mentioned his dad. Generally moms threatened their child on dad’s name when he is not around or that’s what happened with us and with others too. But his mom never did that. When I told my mom this she actually got angry on me for judging and I felt bad too so I left the idea. I sometime used to feel bad for her as when everyone was busy taking photos or admiring spots she was running around her son. She even missed few spots when he got tired or bored and stayed with him in hotel instead. she even used to sing his favourite songs like barbie girl whenever people used to play antakshari. I used to feel sad for her as she was my own age and doing all those stuffs which not only me but also ny friends were still afraid of. Once we were having lunch and she passed and one of the lady in our group asked my mom “did you know what has happened with her”?” I gave my mother see I told you look. Then that aunty told us that she got married at early age and got divorced when boy was not even year old as his father was alcoholic and used to hit her. So that answered most of my questions and I actually felt proud for the girl. As she had decided to raise her son own her own at so early age, specially in india where facing community is as difficult as getting hit by drunk husband. I so wanted to tell her that what she was doing was very brave and her son will be proud of her for this one day but could not do that as I never got to talk to her properly. Now when I look back I realise I should have said those things to her. Actually I have heard about solve parents only in tv serials , I know this may sound funny but yes that’s what happens in india. Girls stretch or adjust with husband or his family as much as they can before going fir divorce. But with her example I realise girl should know when to stop and that’s what is important as where to start is…??

The stubborn patient

During my internship I have met hundreds of patients per day. Being introvert, talking to them everyday is a different experience for me. Some were kind , some were attention seeking while some were just stubborn.                                                     

This one incident I will never ever forget. I had emergency duty for 15 days. One day I was sitting in casualty in evening. Around 7pm a 20 year girl came with gasping. Her relatives thought it was a heart attack but it was next to impossible in 20 yr old n specially girl. We thought it must be asthmatic attack. All blood investigation including chest x ray and ECG was done and everything was normal. They diagnosed it as panic attack. Patient and relatives were asked to wait for psychiatrist. But they ran away and we also forgot. Same things happen next day since I was the only one present yesterday I told my senior about incident but she did not listened to me and carried out all investigations again and same drama happened again.

On the 3rd day I was literally waiting for her to come and she came again with same thing. This time diffrent senior was there n I told him everything. He listened to me n asked them to wait for psychiatrist. But to my surprise her relatives were still thinking it as a heart attack and were asking for same investigations again. We stood still this time and asked them to wait. My senior even appointed a guard to look at them till psychiatrist comes. Her relatives were panicking more than her and when we tried telling them about her situation they got mad on us too. Finally the psychiatrist came and started her examination. He realised that she was suffering from depression and every time some one talks about her problems she does this to avoid it. He even counselled her relatives and asked them to come to OPD next day. After they went I was not even sure that they understood or not.                I have heard this many time that  ‘you should not hide anything from your lawyer and doctor’ because both are going to save your in way. People come to doctor and tell half truth and expect him to do miracle. But unless you tell everything diagnosis is never going to be complete. Also when patient comes with internet information about their symptoms, is like doubting your doctor. I am not saying blindly believe in him but your 5min knowledge is incomparable with his 10 yrs of education. Like in this case symptoms were suggesting like a heart attack but we know it’s impossible in 20yr old girl as in premenopausal woman estrogen protect you from it. So what we expect is show some faith 💕  and believe that you’ll be great as they say ” when you think you cant or you can’t, you are right”

A lesson

There was a girl,who had dream of joining armed forces of the country. she was her fathers sweet heart and he could not imagine sending her out of his sight, so as her mother who could not think her daughter could join military when her son’s are doing average job. So the girl decided to spend her life like ordinary girl and married man of her parents choice .When she saw her daughter she decided to give her anything her daughter asks for,not to take revenge on her parents but just to live life once more through her daughter’s eyes. She told her daughter everything about her childhood and her dreams.

 Her daughter grew up n followed her dreams but when conditions around her were little torturous she decided to quit and surrender to the situation n at that time she remembered her mothers stories,she stopped crying and decided to fight against all odds until last minute,untill she gets what she wants because that’s how her mother would want her to do, live her life in her own way …

Just do it

Yesterday when I was having my breakfast in the morning my mom got shocked by looking at my hand …I know I am having tremors but I never thought it’s so noticeable… Being doctor I know one the major cause of tremors is anxiety or panic and from the first day of my internship I am suffering from anxiety.. when u work alone you know you have to do things and you don’t expect someone to help you but when you work in group you start expecting others to work and when they start using excuses or start using you, you feel betrayed and don’t feel like working. Sometimes we also try to find a way to excuse work as others are doing it .. n here starts the anxiety..what if someone notices that m not working? Then why don’t someone notices when others are not working? Why do I always end up being the sincere one ? All the unanswerable questions.. over the year I have found way to tackle this..so according to what our favourite brand says we should just do it.. do it not because someone will see,not because you are afraid to make excuses, do it because it’s right,it feels right…let others follow their own path and you make your own..don’t wait for others just do your work whether someone sees or not but it counts…